Cultural Table manners... - rec.food.cooking

Message from discussion Cultural Table manners...

Dana Ho

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More options Dec 16 2000, 5:10 am

Newsgroups: rec.food.cooking

From: Dana Ho <yb...@my-deja.com>

Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2000 16:58:02 GMT

Local: Sat, Dec 16 2000 4:58 am

Subject: Re: Cultural Table manners...

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In article <uAxV5.24$s4.7...@gazette.loc1.tandem.com>,
"Tina Mongkolsmai" <tina.mongkols...@compaq.nospam.com> wrote:

> I'd really like to discuss Chinese manners.. which are often more
> complicated than I'd have thought.. marrying a Chinese man requires a
lot of
> learning.

It is complicated even for a Chinese to marry another Chinese from
another part of the country. Every region in China, Taiwan, and
Hongkong has slightly different customs. The important thing is to
observe, see what others are doing and are expected of you, and try
your best to acommodate.

> There are a LOT of things I have learned about Chinese culture where
parents
> and children are concerned, particularly when eating. Supposedly, you
let
> parents sit inside at the table (against the wall as opposed to where
their
> chairs could be bumped) at a restaurant. I can never tell where I'm
> supposed to sit so I never sit down first anymore. In my family it
doesn't
> matter.

The elder ones are supposed to sit down first. You are not supposed
to clear away dishes when others are still eating. (It's different
at restaurant though, the servers always do.) You are supposed to
wait for the elder ones to start eating first. If you are the first
one to start a dish, give the first pieces to the elder ones. This
should be done with clean chopsticks. It's usually not a problem
because you would put some food on their plate (or bowl or rice)
before you start eating yourself. And this is generally done by the
host.

> In both cases, I will pour tea for everybody (including those younger
and
> older than me). For elders you're supposed to do it if you're one of
the
> older children. I even learned slow single finger-taps on the table
means
> pour, and two taps means stop pouring. You're also supposed to serve
food
> directly to elders (which in my family older does this for younger
usually
> so it feels weird for me).

You are supposed to pour tea for everyone (from oldest to youngest,
first men then women. For example, Grandpa, Grandma, Father, Mother,
etc.) and then yourself. About finger tapping, some people do it,
others don't. From what I heard and my friends practicing it, it
means "thank you". Here's the origin, from what I've heard:

At one time, an emperor wanted to go out like a normal citizen. So
he disguised himself and went out with his servants (who wouldn't
let him go alone of course). They stopped to have tea. When the
emperor served the tea, the servants were supposed to kneel and
say "thank you", but since they didn't want anyone to discover
their disguise, the servants used their finger instead (bent and
tap) on the table.

> And you never eat first, even when encouraged, unless you're sort of a
guest
> and they encourage you again (after your first refusal and your
attempt to
> serve them first). And take anything offered you by an elder (or
host)
> (plan in advance not to stuff yourself so you have room for the stuff
they
> try to feed you at the end of the meal in particular).

That's right, you are supposed to finish what they give you. And
tell them that everything tastes great. It's common sense, isn't
it? Showing graciousness.

> Don't add
anything
> to your food (ie salt, pepper, sauce). Condiments are for show.

As others have pointed out, if you use it, it implies that the
food doesn't taste good.

> My husband didn't tell me most of these until I'd screwed them up,
then'd
> he'd say so either right there (in a whisper) (which ticks me off
majorly)
> or in the car afterward (acceptable). What's so natural to some, is
totally
> new to others. He used to complain about my eating with a fork and
spoon,
> saying it's weird. Come ON. I said sure, it's weird to YOU. He says
no,
> it's just weird.

When I pictured it, it's weird to me too. It's because I didn't
grow up doing it. You should be able to be yourself with your
husband, just pretend a little when you are with his relatives.

> Sometimes you just gotta learn new things. :) I
think
> he's used to it by now. Of course he doesn't know how to eat that
way.

> Any other things that perhaps someone with similar experiences could
teach
> me in advance? I realize non-food etiquette is off-topic so just
> food-related is OK. (or email me the non-food information).

> Tina

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